Saturday, 7 March 2015

Where are all the Easter eggs?

Extract from Book 1: London

Day 59 - Woolwich London

13:00
It’s definitely not my reduced mobility. Nor is it boredom or even loneliness. No, it’s that I’ve become more systematic in my looting methodology, more experienced if you like, more professional. That’s what I’ve been telling myself as I’ve gone through the house room-by-room, drawer-by-drawer. Whatever it is, it isn’t nosiness. Honestly, it’s not.
Okay, who am I trying to fool? I mean, I don’t even believe it myself. The jury’s still out on whether I’m lonely, but I am definitely bored and confined to moving around very, very slowly. Whatever the reason, my prying has paid off. You won’t guess what I found. No, you have to guess. Go on, try. Three guesses. Give up? See, I knew you wouldn’t get it.
Easter eggs. Small ones, but bone fide, honest to goodness, thirty percent cocoa, milk chocolate Easter eggs. You remember the kind, the ones they marketed to kids, the small hollow eggs in the big cardboard boxes with mazes on the back and the tips on the side about how to organise your own Easter egg hunt? Well I found six of them. And no, before you ask they weren’t hidden. They were in a carrier bag in the dresser in the front room.

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Some parts of these books are based on my own experiences. One of which is to stock up on Easter Eggs the first week they appear in the stores. Usually this is as soon as they clear away the unsold Christmas stock. But this year? Nothing. Well, not nothing. There are Easter eggs, (and carrots and footballs and toolkits and pretty much every shape that chocolate can be moulded into), but no £1 Eggs.

The important part of this ritual (for me) is that I’d always buy extra, ‘just in case there were unexpected guests’ on Easter Sunday. Of course, when these guests never turned up, I’d get to eat the ones left over.

No £1 eggs, means no excess, which means no personal excess the week after Easter. It’s infuriating. Or it would be if I’d not just discovered that the chocolate in these eggs actually tastes of rust. No, no, it’s true. This is all to do with the global chocolate shortage, and the different variety of bean that is being used to combat it. Planet Money did a very interesting show on it:


After listening to that, if you (like me) have been put off chocolate, I’d recommend The Nut Hut or Treasure Island Sweets as two alternatives (I’m not affiliated with them in any way, but I can strongly recommend them. Particularly the Turkish Delight.)